Sunday, February 24, 2013
The Hockey Life: In the running?
When I heard last week that the Buffalo Sabres fired longtime coach Lindy Ruff, I sensed an opportunity to break into the NHL. Even though the team named Ron Rolston as the interim head coach, I didn't hesitate to make my play for the gig.
Here's my application letter, submitted to the team through its website:
Should this interim coach thing not work out for the Sabres this season, please accept this as a request to become the next permanent full-time head coach of the Buffalo Sabres.
My qualifications? I've suffered with the Sabres since Day 1, as a child growing up on the city's West Side and in Machias, N.Y. I played town-team hockey for the Machias Norsemen in the Arcade Hockey League in the mid to late 1970s, being among the league leaders in PIMs. I'm also the father of a youth hockey player (Peewee A level) down here in the Tampa Bay area.
I stress the fundamentals of skating, playing every shift like it's your last and working together as a team. I have zero tolerance for any foolishness (such as bullying and locker boxing) and all displays of a lack of respect for the game would be met with harsh discipline.
My salary demands won't break the bank: $350,000-a-year salary, $50,000 in housing expenses, $15,000 in moving expenses, a $1,000-a-month car allowance, my own room on road trips, first-class flying accommodations and a luxury box, with all food and beverages supplied by the team, for all home games during the regular season and playoffs.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from the organization.
P.S. I'll be attending next Tuesday's game against the Tampa Bay Lightning. We can meet then to finalize the deal.
As of late Saturday, I've yet to hear back from the organization. That could mean one of two things: Given the Sabres' lackluster play under Mr. Rolston, my offer is receiving serious consideration from the highest levels within the organization; or they haven't stopped laughing yet.
To maintain my candidacy, I've created a new Twitter account: @NewSabresCoach. If you support my effort, I'd appreciate you becoming a follower.